Mulai Terobsesi dengan Personality Typing

Personality typing terutama sistem MBTI bukan yg lainnya seperti zodiak, shio, weton, dan golongan darah mulai membuatku gila. Aku semakin sering mengirim pesan pribadi ke beberapa teman meminta mereka mengerjakan kuis yang akan menyimpulkan hasil tipe kepribadian. Mungkin akan tiba waktunya aku bosan, tapi bukan sekarang.

Beberapa keherananku akan banyak hal dangkal terjawab dengan penggolongan kepribadian ini. Beberapa tahun lalu aku menulis di blog ini juga mengenai analisis kenapa aku pemalas. Hari ini aku menyadari bahwa tipe kepribadian xNxP memang cenderung malas, sulit fokus dalam waktu lama, dan penunda. Penjelasannya lumayan ilmiah karena orang-orang tipe ini memang cenderung terlalu banyak berfantasi, tidak membumi, perfeksionis, dan motivasi rendah karena terlalu spontan dan fleksibel. Setidaknya saat ini aku sudah tidak lagi menyalahkan depresi atau adanya setan di kamarku yang membuatku kehabisan energi beberapa menit sejak bangun pagi sampai tengah malam sebelum tidur.

Berenang lebih dalam beberapa meter di lautan personality typing, aku sempat merasa putus asa ketika orang-orang tipe xNxP ini semacam tidak punya masa depan selain menjadi seniman miskin atau penulis yang tidak laku. Tapi mungkin kekhawatiran dan keputusasaan ini cuma bagian dari narsisme diriku yang sifatnya keturunan entah sejak moyang yang mana, mungkin yang pernah jadi raja.

Hari-hari ini kemudian kulalui dengan hanya mengamati dan tidak terlarut dalam preokupasi (atau obsesi?), emosi-emosi semacam takut dan khawatir dan kecewa tentang ini semua.

Oh tipe kepribadian ini juga membantuku memaklumi kenapa aku sangat mudah bosan, sangat mudah berpindah hobi dan kesibukan (jadi relawan 5 tahun, keluar. Lari 6 tahun, terus bosan. Suka banget foto-foto terus tidak lanjut lagi, dll). Pernah juga kutulis di blog ini bahwa aku punya “fase.” Fase suka lari, fase suka motret, dll.

Kadang capek sama diri sendiri tapi lelah itu wajar. Kalau lelah ya istirahat, tapi jangan pernah berhenti untuk mencintai diri sendiri. Karena hubungan kita dengan diri sendiri adalah satu-satunya hubungan yang akan terjalin sampai kita mati. Perbaiki dan nikmati prosesnya.

YOK SEMANGAT.

The sobriety lane

I walk down this lane alone with ATPs left in my muscles and burning light in my chest.

I left my past behind me where I blamed so many people and so many things for my tears. I discarded so many ticks of the clock waiting for something that never came. I was so drunk, drunken by a huge wave of self-distrust, or self-contempt, i wasn’t sure, and i could barely stand, let alone walk.

While walking, i think of myself sometimes. How funny it is to lose the power to trust my strong self, while holding strong to a false believe that God isn’t very helpful.

What is ahead seems blurry but it promises me a future. The tiny light in my chest whispers me contentment and trust, and those are enough for me to keep walking.

I may be more vulnerable. I am helpless in God’s plan. But i am so strong i am invincible to whatever comes ahead of me. 

So here I am, Dear sobriety lane, try me, and i may stay sane and solid, and fully accepting of God’s best plans. 

How Long

How many more years does it take for you to realize that those people are seriously looking after you?

How many more heartbreaks will you cause to find out that you actually break your own heart many times?

How many more cakes do you need to bake to understand that the distraction from your reality doesn’t solve your problems?

How many more fake smiles are you gonna put to disguise your true confusion?

How many more prostrations will you waste without mindful wishes before you run out of your time in this world?

How many more helping hands will you reject to reach out for help?

How many more sleepless nights will you endure to finally get up and deal with the mess you made?

How long will this last???

The Ultimate Mood Boosters

Just quickly post it here, that today I just found out another mood booster. Oh, why is mood so important, you said? Sure it is especially for people with a mood disorder, a kind of psychological disorder. The more severe spectrum is the bipolar disorder, where your mood repetitively goes up (called being manic) then drops down (called being depressed) with a normal episode in between.

I have tried one and other things to lift my mood almost everyday for I wake up in the morning without necessarily always feeling great. Thus I need to list the things that would possibly make someone feel better when someone does it:

1. Waking up early before sunrise, performing Fajr prayer (solat subuh) ontime

2. Doing a cardio workout, cycling is preferable. Running is even better, but it really depends on the circumstances.

3. Taking a shower with cold water.

4. Drinking a cup (or more) of sugar-free coffee.

5. Playing along with kids, preferably those under 5 years of age. –> this is the most recent one!

6. Smiling, even when you are alone, for at least 10 secs.

7. Performing dzikr (remembrance of God), simply subhanalloh walhamdulillaah or anything else.

8. Reading really good books.

9. Talking to a really best friend and focusing on positivities.

Those are based on my personal experiences which I keep evaluating every now and then. They can be effective sometimes and useless some other times. You do even one out of those items and you will not be depressed for the rest of the day, or you can do ALL of them.

Anyone has anything to add my list?