Karena Aku Tidak Mau Seperti Itu

Lie To Me adalah suatu serial Amerika yang bergenre misteri dengan tokoh utama orang Inggris. Cal Lightman adalah seorang yang ahli membaca ekspresi wajah dan membantu polisi menyelesaikan kasus kriminal dengan kemampuannya itu. Tidak terlalu bagus sih ratingnya, tapi aku suka, mungkin karena seleraku adalah pria-pria seperti Cal itu, atau doctor House, atau Sherlock Holmes dalam serial Elementary. Entah kepribadiannya entah fisiknya hahaha. Absurd memang.

Selain Lie To Me, ada Elementary. Ini adalah serial gubahan dari kisah Sherlock Holmes, di mana seorang Sherlock yang orang London itu tinggal di New York City dan membantu NYPD sebagai konsultan alias detektif. Watson sahabat Sherlock tetap seorang dokter tapi di sini dia wanita. Aku suka episode terakhir (24) di musim 2. Di situ Sherlock relaps menggunakan heroin. Sepanjang seri dia sudah sepenuhnya sober, tapi itulah episode pertama yang menampilkan dia menjadi pengguna. Beberapa menit terakhir sungguh epik, menurutku. Di situ tampak Sherlock duduk di teras atas rumahnya, wajahnya pucat, sangat sayu dan matanya cowong, pandangannya kosong. Watson hanya bisa bertanya “Please tell me if you need anything.”

Episode itu membuatku mensyukuri hidupku. Perbedaan tampilan Sherlock sebelum dan sesudah jatuh pada adiksi sungguh ekstrim. Tukang riasnya keren, tentu. Tapi wajah itu membuatku membayangkan diri jika terkena pengaruh narkoba. You know, i dont want to look that lifeless. 

Dalam beberapa (ratusan?) episode saat aku merasa sangat sedih atau tidak berguna, sangat ingin lari ke hutan atau masuk ke inti bumi, aku bersyukur aku tidak merasa cukup putus asa untuk berkenalan dengan narkoba.

Somehow i am grateful, you know. Even until now. 

A Flat Tire

Stop bad attitude!
Stop bad attitude!

Hi, this is just another quick post, another writing practice, another trace I’d leave the world that will hopefully last for good.

I went to a cafe that night with a girlfriend. We finished our thing at around half past nine, and it was saturday night. We then moved with my motorcycle for two seconds before I realized that it was a bit shaky. I pulled over and tried to have a look at the front tire. No, nothing was wrong. And my girl said ‘Sorry I can’t say whether this is normal’ when looking at the rear tire. I looked and decided it was slightly deflated but maybe because of my weight. I was too lazy to lift my butt off the sadle, and you know I am much heavier these days.

We continued and the shake went crazy, the motorcycle went zig-zagging. It was a flat tire, then. And miraculously, 50 metres ahead of us there was a small motorcycle workshop. Wow, Thank My Almighty God, we were saved. I decided to cruelly turn on the machine and ride the motorcycle with her to the workshop. Well, the cruelty of course led to a long cut in the inner tire. Like when a samurai swiftly tears something (or someone, ouch) with his sword top to bottom..

I firstly had the man at the workshop put some air into the tire so I could take my girl home before I fix my flat tire. But that apparently wasn’t a good idea for he failed again and again to put any air into it. Haha, the hole then wasn’t a hole, it turned out to be an arm-length of leakage. So the only solution was to replace the inner tire with a new one. My girl and I waited for about twenty minutes and paid almost four dollars to get out of that place and head home, which was cheap.

I couldn’t imagine if there was not any workshop nearby. That also leads me to think that it was really weird to get a flat tire. The incidence of accidentally coming across a small nail (or thread?) on the street that punctures your motorcycle’s tire was less than 1 percent (haha, bluffing statistics). In other words, it was so rare, and I was simply unlucky that night. Factors contributing to the accident were the darkness I went into so I couldn’t see clearly what things were lying on the street (you could find a dead rat as well), and of course, having passed a workshop. Call me a negative thinker, but I saw in the television where people having business in workshops put small nails (we call it ‘umbrella nail’ a.k.a paku payung) on the streets so vehicles passing the street will get flat tires and have no option but fixing their tires at the nearest workshop.

But but but, it was only an option to think about. After all I didn’t witness any nail on my torn tire. And there was a bigger thing to think about; a grateful feeling that there was a workshop. It was almost ten at night, and my father wouldn’t like the idea of two girls with their veils on wandering the ascending street, and maybe dragging the motorcycle with a flat tire along with them.

Alhamdulillaah for that night. I learned something. That is… I was simply grateful. And that it’s good to think positively. There is nothing harmful in doing so. Haha, lame story, :p

Minding Own Business

I am a selfish person in terms of doing anything I need like eating, sleeping, etc. But I am a very generous person in terms of judging myself. I compare myself to anyone in this world and then feel unworthy or lame or suck because those people are always better than me. I feel that it’s selfish to judge myself but not comparing with others, it won’t be fair.

But you know what.. I was wrong, completely wrong. I should be more generous in the first case and be much more selfish in the second case.

I should help others and not think about myself. I should put others’ needs first and mine second. I don’t need to do everything I need or want immediately because those needs can wait while others’ might not. I am sufficient with myself thus I don’t need to be prioritized at almost anything in life. So for example if someone needs my help then that is my pleasure to help since I have all I need and I am so fortunate with everything I have.

Now I should be much more selfish on judging myself. I should not care about others regarding the way they perform or what they have. The way I compare myself to other people will only lead to envy and jealousy. I would always want to be like someone here or there. I should keep in mind that what matters the most is that I am better than I was yesterday, not that I am better than others. See the difference, dear myself?!

This post is raw and I am so bored to continue this.. Hoaahhm *yawn*