Membaca Buku dan GPPH

Baik, aku jabarkan GPPH terlebih dahulu. Dialah gangguan pemusatan perhatian dan hiperaktivitas. Betul, ini adalah sebuah penyakit, dan tidak, aku tidak mengidapnya, karena diagnosis hanya bisa ditegakkan jika gejala sudah muncul sejak usia tiga tahun. Jika baru muncul sekarang maka bukan GPPH tapi sebut saja pseudo-GPPH.

Beberapa bulan (atau tahun?) terakhir aku kesulitan menyelesaikan buku, baik fiksi maupun non-fiksi (bukan teksbuk faal). Tapi setelah kuingat kembali, ternyata memulainya pun sulit. Di kamar tidurku, tiga dari empat sisi kamar ada buku, baik tumpukan maupun pajangan rapi (atau berdebu). Keluar kamar lebih parah lagi, ortuku menyimpan buku di ruang tamu, ruang tengah, ruang samping, sampai kamar lain, dengan dalih, “maklum lah bapak ibu kan dosen jadi ya bukunya banyak.” Stimulus yang tersebar itu tidak menggugahku untuk mengambil satu pun buku setiap minggu untuk diselesaikan.

Berbeda lagi saat berkunjung ke toko buku. Aku selalu punya ide cemerlang (maksudnya konsumtif), “Wah ini buku bagus, aku harus beli. Aku harus punya. Aku harus baca.” Beruntung jika teman berkunjungku adalah adikku, karena dia akan menyambar (tanpa aku ucapkan kalimat cemerlangku tadi, karena selalu hanya kubatin saja, tapi mungkin binar mataku bisa dia kenali dengan mudah), “yakin mau dibaca? Nanti di rumah ditumpuk aja?” dan aku bisa percaya dia juga akhirnya, atau tetap ngeyel membelinya, “Kubaca kok. Yakin.”

Pernah, sering malah, aku mengamati rak-rak buku di rumah, mengambil beberapa buku dan menaruhnya di kasurku. Tujuanku adalah memberi tugas pada diriku sendiri untuk menyelesaikan beberapa buku dalam waktu tertentu dan waktu terbaik adalah menjelang tidur. Berhasilkah strategi itu? Tidak selalu. Beberapa buku memang tampak sangat menarik, misalnya karena itu buku baru (yang dibeli adikku) dan sangat nge-hits sehingga semua orang sudah membacanya kecuali aku, atau itu buku yang ditulis oleh penulis favoritku. Atau buku tematik seperti buku Ramadhan yang kutumpuk di kasur menjelang Ramadhan. Ada keadaan khusus lain aku bisa mulai membaca: terpaksa menunggu lama seperti saat transit di bandara atau perjalanan jauh dengan kereta (atau pesawat atau bis jika sopirnya menyetir dengan sopan).

Seseorang pernah berkata bahwa tidak ada orang yang tidak suka membaca, orang itu hanya belum menemukan jenis buku/ bacaan yang dia suka. Aku sangat setuju dengan itu. Bahkan komik pun termasuk buku, sehingga orang-orang semacam teman priaku di sekolah dulu yang “tidak tahan membaca novel, tulisan semua, bosan” bukannya tidak suka membaca, hanya memilih komik daripada novel. Sehingga tidak perlu ada debat filosofis dalam tulisan kali ini mengenai pentingnya (atau tidak pentingnya) membaca.

Ketika akhirnya aku berhasil memaksa diriku membuka lembar pertama dan mulai membaca sampai minimal beberapa halaman pertama, aku mulai ingat nikmatnya membaca. Benar juga kata orang bijak bahwa langkah pertama memang yang paling berat. Selanjutnya pasti terasa lebih ringan. Bahkan menyenangkan. Namun tidak seratus persen kejadian membacaku seperti itu. Ada beberapa kali aku berhenti membaca di tengah-tengah buku (atau sepertiga awal dan jarang sekali di bagian akhir). Mungkin sekali itu karena bukunya yang membosankan, tapi aku jarang mengatai suatu buku itu jelek. Aku sangat ingin menjadi penulis (mungkin diam-diam sejak kecil, karena diary-ku sudah ada sejak aku kelas 3 SD, sampai sekarang masih kuusahakan menulis) sehingga aku menghargai dan mengagumi para penulis. Beberapa buku membuatku ingin menyelesaikan tanpa jeda (terpaksa jeda untuk ke toilet atau solat atau makan), tapi sedikit sekali yang membuatku menyesal membelinya, semembosankan apapun.

Pada suatu ketika beberapa bulan (atau tahun) terakhir inilah aku menyimpulkan kesulitanku meneruskan hobi membaca ini adalah karena adanya gangguan pemusatan perhatian. Aku kesulitan fokus sedangkan membaca merupakan kegiatan yang membutuhkan fokus. Beberapa menit membaca membuatku memikirkan hal lain kemudian akhirnya buku kulepas dari tangan dan aku mulai beranjak, bergerak, atau membuka ponsel.

Atau sederhana saja masalahnya, bahwa beginilah generasi muda masa kini pengguna teknologi terutama internet? Beginikah efek samping dari kemajuan peradaban yaitu terlalu banyak distraksi dan manusia-manusianya kesulitan bertahan lama melakukan sesuatu tanpa tergiur hal lain? Apakah angka kejadian GPPH meningkat di era milenium ini? Apakah penderita pseudo-GPPH sepertiku tumbuh seperti lumut di dinding batu di musim hujan?

Jawab aku, buku, jawab. Aku sudah merindukan kalian.

NB. Ternyata salah satu inspirasi untuk menulis (lagi) di blog adalah dengan membaca buku. Saat sedang membaca buku rasanya aku jadi ingin menulis juga, atau aku jadi ingat bahwa ada ide yang harus kusampaikan lewat tulisan. Buku terbaru yang baru selesai kubaca (dalam sehari; termasuk hebat dengan keadaan mental terkiniku) adalah “Bumi Manusia” karya Pramoedya Ananta Toer. Resensinya? Cari sendiri di google ya, satu saja dariku: Itu buku wajib baca. ^_^

A Note to Self

It has been a while. Anyway, I am changing but not as fast as I thought I would be.

I have been through some things. For example the New Age Movement (see google please) which was covered nicely by some popular books in my country, say Ippho Santosa’s books, Yusuf Mansur and Pencinta Sedekah tweets. I stumbled upon someone’s tweet revealing this and it all made sense. Those ‘positivity’ seems to be impossible. I would not provoke anyone to say bad things about someone’s books or whatsoever. It’s just the thought to put a trust in THE UNIVERSE itself has flaws. The fatal flaw? Associating others with ALLOH (menyekutukan Alloh, red.). Putting the universe before Alloh, while the universe itself is created by Alloh. And that’s it, end of discussion.

I felt like punched in my tummy when I knew about those whole cover ups by (maybe, who else) the illuminati.

I am still the old me who procrastinates almost everything (even going to bed, because it needs prep like brushing teeth and washing face), and I still don’t know what to do after all of these. Yes, the master thingy. I can only dream of being proposed by a prince charming in a shining armor who rides a white horse (a dark brown horse is also fine) . He would take me somewhere beautiful far far faraway from this reality.

Anyway, I found beauty in the Quran. I don’t understand the language. I don’t recite beautifully, as well. But I found it peaceful to just read it outloud. The sceptics might say that it maybe because of the self-suggestion. Whatever. Those beautiful ayah (ayat, red.) are impossible to be made by humanbeing. Just too divine.

Well, I found it startling that all I was asking to God is happiness in this mortal world. While the eternal happiness and peace can only be found in heaven, and that is the first thing that should come in our mind. This should be our very first ideal in life.

Well, Ayu, please enjoy your time. Keep  struggling and trying to be humble.

Finally, a contemplation

I am getting closer to what to call a clerkship in the hospital. I do want to prepare myself for that great opportunity in my life. Well, of course partly because I will be in a special group together with particular friends that I’ve chosen myself (and thank God they accept me), but mostly because it will affect my performance in becoming a doctor in the future.

Though I haven’t even thought what will be my clear pathway after graduating from this long-term struggle in the faculty, I believe somehow skill is number one capability besides communication, for a professional doctor.

I also realize that this eighth-semester-syndrome has overwhelmed my year so much that we get to talk about that all the time. What else?! Sure, marriage. I don’t think I deserve to give any comment even just a little. I know there are too much things I have to prepare, especially for someone like me who tends to put high standards but hasn’t even start stepping forward.

I was trying to say that it’s all about preparing two things, for a clerkship, and for a m****age. So funny to confess, but what can I do?!! Those are lying in my mind nowadays.

I try to set up a new behavior these days. Reading a book everyday!! Quite hard and impossible for me, I know. But it’s worth the effort! I’ve started borrowing books from my friends and piling ones in my bedside. Hahaha, but easily getting bored after a page or two. I really have to maximize my 24 hours if I want to finish those piles. Sure it means that maybe maximum time to sleep is 6 hours which is a disaster for lazy me >.<

Keep fighting, that’s all I know. Sometimes or even so many times I forget what my intentions in my life are. I forget that I have big dreams to catch. I forget that I am someday a great person in my own imagination, perfectly planned. I forget that I am born gifted and talented, so that there’s no reason to stop moving forward to get to my dreams.

Really, sometimes forgetfulness could stop me from getting closer to my dreams, to my future. So keep remembering the dreams is number two most important in our life, I believe. Without one, we wouldn’t go to a meaningful place, at all. We’ll just go, follow the flow, or be in a shadow…

I believe I have everything in me to catch my dreams, and I believe it’s never too late to catch up and run. we’ll run ss fast as we can, to a brighter tomorrow.

We know sometimes we get lazy, but whenever we remember that flaw, just start raising and run, and keep running, to that light in front that we’ve set up a long time before.

Well yeah, everybody has a light, and that light must be very bright it makes us want to go for it. And our life is to be sacrificed…

In a loneliness and sleepiness,
May 28th.

Hi there!

I am still fired up with all the spirit to read medical books!!! Yeah, my nearest ideal would be: to major the materials of 6th semester. And this is it! This is the time, to read the textbooks I have. Do it several hours a day, or do it only one or two days right before the exams?? Yeah, it will be my choice. For sure, being istiqomah is the highest requirement to reach my dream.

Then I tried to find in the Internet, about the medical textbooks being sold there. Wow, apparently there were plenty of it. I really want to buy some. But I have to think again. About the price, and about the necessity. Will I really read it, anyway?

Well, I am looking forward to read a lot of stuffs. But medical thing will be my priority from now on! ^.^