A Brunch and A Crush

“How about you, what specialty do you intend to take?” He asked enthusiastically over a steaming-hot bowl of soto, an Indonesian chicken soup with lots of candlenut.

“Umm, I don’t know, I am not sure. Even whether to take a specialty or remain a GP for the rest of my life.. But if I have to choose, I would love be a heart doctor.” I squeezed a slice of lime into my own bowl.

“What do you call doctors who help delivering babies?” he added curiously and a bit apologetically.

“OB/GYN.”

“Yeah, that.”

“Umm..”

I explained to him that I am not someone who can take that much pressure to be an OB/GYN doctor. I don’t have my whole days for other people too, waking up at 2 am to help moms, and so on. He was empathetic enough when he said,

“Ah I see, that’s why there are more male OB/GYN doctors.”

It was a brunch with someone I just met once before, happened after only a brief texting. Just like that, but it got me thinking. Well well, I am not sure whether it made me think about the specialty as a future career, or about the possibility that he could be involved in an unusual relationship with me, if you know what I mean, or merely a forgettable event of a random day with a random girl like me.

I had an answer popping in my mind immediately after I answered him. It came a split-second later than my actual spoken answer.

“I have been dreaming to be someone’s hero, if being a hero to the world is too big. I always want to do something with an instant, tangible result. I want to see the impact of my work, something to make me feel worthy and significant. Thus I was thinking of the professions that meet my dream. They are the orthopedic surgeon, who can always go abroad to be a volunteer, taking care of troubled limbs, saving lives in countries at wars, or being a public health expert who goes to developing countries (or rural areas in Indonesia!) and takes charge of the health education, the children’s immunization and health checks. Lately I found that OB/GYN doctor is also a hero, making the continuation of the generations possible.

I was so sure I would undergo whatever it takes to be my version of a hero, before I redefined what life really is. Or at least, how I can handle this life. I concluded that I can only create a good result by doing it with love. Thus I need to make sure that what I do is what I love to do. I realized that I can’t be doing something significant enough if the drive is not coming from within me. I can’t do my best if I am told what to do. I need to fall in love in what I do to bring a quality to the result. It would be too hard for me to drag myself, or push through if I don’t have passions in it. I need to guarantee myself that I won’t quit in the middle of the road.

Being an OB/GYN doctor is a good example of being my version of a hero, doing something with an instant and satisfying result. While, for example, a heart doctor may not see his impact in days or weeks, but maybe in years.

Long story short, if I don’t love it, I won’t take a particular pathway. I won’t take the risk of ruining it and disappointing people around me. I would rather, apparently, do something small and insignificant with all my heart. Oh, and secretly send prayers to God to bless what I do. And of course I respect those who want to be some kind of a hero, and appreciate their motivations and abilities to pursue their dreams. I just realized that I am not one of those awesome people.”

But you know, I ended up giving an unfinished answer and kept the ball rolling by asking about his future career. I am sure I have so many events in my life where I regretted what I said, and wished to say some other thing, or say it differently. This was definitely one of those events. But, whatever. No one would bear to listen to my long, boring explanation, either. Oh, and by the way, with my previous experience of having over-expectations, I have no comment on this guy, like, at all. *grin*

A heart in love is like a garden full of blooming flowers. (The Royal Botanical Garden, Melbourne, Australia)

A Great Shock to This Biological Clock

Now I understand what it means to be a doctor, to have only 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day.

Here’s the story. I got my night shift, and then I did it. The next morning, I wasn’t fully awake. I felt so bad. I couldn’t focus on people talking to me. And right after I got home, I literally landed on the couch and fell asleep. It wasn’t short. It was over 10 hours. And the day after, I regretted it, for not doing my things that have to be done, for spending too much time on sleeping (while actually it was hard to wake me up at that time). Then I asked myself, would it be like this, all the time? Getting a night shift and revenge on the next day? Lack of sleep one day and excessive sleeping the next day? How if I got a ‘ding-dong’, one day of night shift, and also the day after tomorrow?

Now the moral of the story is, that we have only one day. If that one day we lack of sleep, just sleep but only on that day. We don’t have ‘tomorrow’ to pay back, to fulfill our need of sleep. Because we always have things to do.

Now say that we sleep 6 hours a day. And if we have a night shift, that means we will be sleeping 1 hour at most, in the night. So during the day, we need to sleep 5 hours. But that’s pretty risky, especially for moslem like me, we can’t just ignore salat. So just add 1 or 2 hours on the day. That makes it 2 to 3 hours of sleep. And that should be enough! Well, that’s what I believe.

Everyone has his/her own biological clock. It says how many hours we need for a sleep. It also says when to sleep, when to wake up, when to eat, etc. We practically sleep and wake up almost at the same time everyday.

Well, that doesn’t count for doctors. We are exceptions. We can adjust. We can sleep for 6 hours a day, but also we can sleep for only 2 hours a day.

That’s what I believe about being a doctor, 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day won’t kill you.